I was four years old when I had my near death experience. For weeks I had been suffering from a cough that became steadily worse until one day my parents lost me in the house. They found me hidden in a wardrobe rambling madly with a high fever. At that point I was rushed to the hospital.
I don’t remember being delirious in the wardrobe, but I do remember being high in the sky watching my parent’s car pull into a car park. My emotions were detached, I felt nothing, no pain, no fear, no excitement, maybe a slight pull of curiosity as a man I recognised as my father jumped out of the driver’s side. He raced around to the other side of the car to take out a tiny limp body from the back seat. My mother was there too, and the two of them ran off.
This is when the odd became most peculiar. I know now they were running to the hospital, but what I saw was far different. There was a crystal city. That is what I have always thought of it as: an enormous city of crystals taking up the entire horizon internally lit with this wonderful silvery-white light. There was no longer an absence of emotions in me, this vision was calm, welcoming, and so very beautiful.
This was no dream. They fade over time. This is a memory of a happening. Just as I vividly remember the house we lived in at the time, I remember floating above my body. Just as I remember the family holiday on the island of Sky nine months later, I remember the glowing crystal city and how it seemed to be an excellent idea to go there.
I can’t say that I don’t fear death less than anyone else, I’m not in their heads and can’t judge that. My guess is I fear death as much as the next person, and for me it’s more about the method of dying that frightens me rather than the actual event. I have a strong desire to live my life and do it well, to the limits of my ability. Maybe that comes from the NDE, maybe it’s just how I am. What I do know is that I am very spiritual and the idea of a higher being seems like a no brainer. I don’t attend church but I have a very strong sense of right and wrong, and have always tried to do the best for those around me.
The recent article in The Daily Mail suggests that children who have had NDEs go on to lead a charmed life. Perhaps I have a habit of making things complicated, but this certainly hasn’t happened for me. I had a very rough relationship in my early twenties, but escaped and have been in a rock solid marriage since. I’ve never had a problem with drink or drugs. Sometimes I think of myself as a cat with nine lives, and wonder when they will run out. At the age of 40 I was diagnosed with advanced bowel cancer.
A year and a half later and I am still here, fighting. I would say this, rather than my NDE has given me the incentive to live out my dreams. Fear of a short life eggs me on, makes me accomplish things I might otherwise not have. It makes me love my family more and try harder to be a better mum. Recently I ended up in hospital for a week after a reaction to my chemo. I was in the worst pain imaginable. These things that happen to me help my state of mind, I know now that I can handle and survive excruciating pain. This is no longer a fear. But I have the NDE in my back pocket letting me know that when the time eventually comes, there is a wonderful place to go for my next stage of existence.