I ended up with a foot less of my intestines and a diagnosis of bowel cancer. There was lots of surprise about my age. Too young, I heard this so many times. Too young, and yet here I am. While the doc had me open, he had a good rummage around my insides, and found the bonus tumours on my liver. I’ve been ‘fighting’ since.
Is it fighting? I’m not sure it is. I aim to survive each day. I try to hit goals, like birthdays. I managed to outlive my grandparents, the last died earlier this year. Now I want to outlive the oldest of my cats. I’ve seen in my eldest son’s twenty-first birthday and my youngest’s thirteenth. Now I aim to see in my daughter’s twenty-first. That means surviving almost another two years.
With this anniversary I can rejoice a little. I’ve already outlived expectations. Sadly many people I befriended who were in similar stages of diagnosis to me have passed away. It makes me both happy and upset to be alive. What made me different that I am still here, getting hit with chemo when friends have died? Life seems random, it picks and chooses who gets to stick around a little longer on this amazing world we have.
Two years. Two years too long. I’m bored with the whole problem. I want to move on, put it all behind me. But cancer is like a cheesy horror film, it keeps popping up and growling at me.
So what am I doing? Mainly I am writing, trying to get stories that have haunted me for years onto paper before I take them into the ground. All is not depressing and sad. I still have hope that chemo will do its job and suddenly I’ll find myself in remission. What is life without hope? Plus I’ve got my wonderful kids and parents, a fab extended family, more friends than I could ever have imagined being blessed with, and a husband who is so supportive and loving that he takes my breath away.
I guess my main goal right now is to conveniently forget that I have cancer and get on with enjoying each and every day. I recommend this to everyone. Forget the problems, wear a smile, and remember to live.