But that’s the thing, I do have to compare myself to her. I have stage 4 bowel cancer. The statistics say that sooner rather than later I will join her on a journey to the next adventure.
In November I was in hospital for a week with a reaction to my chemotherapy. I’m off chemo until January, and while it’s lovely to have energy for Christmas, I can’t ignore that little voice in my head, the one that worries that being off the chemo will give the tumours a chance to fight back.
And strangely, the Christmas present Mike and I bought for ourselves, Breaking Bad, hasn’t helped. Walt is dying of cancer and goes off the rails, to put it mildly. Watching how he deals with his cancer (a mere 3a, pshaw, he’s a wimp) has made me look deeply into my own life, and I’m not sure I like what see.
So changes, they are afoot.
Home life: I must get out of the stupid funk I am in. Cancer is shit, but so far it’s not the end of the world. Get over it.
Work life: Must write. As much as possible. Finish edits on half-done books. Finish writing half-written books. Start writing books that are planned out in detail. If time is collapsing in on me, then this is it. I must get my thoughts on paper asap. There’s a sense of urgency around me that the first year a half since my diagnosis didn’t bring. I’m not sure what’s changed, but I look forward to writing, finishing and polishing a number of books.
The alternative is when the inevitable happens to haunt an upcoming writer and be their muse… hmm, so much to think about and plan.